I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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