Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
