i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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