Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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