Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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