do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
