Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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