4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
