I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
