You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
