I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
