i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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