I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
