i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im holly from the hills drunk
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
