i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize