we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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