A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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