we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
