I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
