There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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