Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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