i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
