okay pat passed out under dana's car
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
