you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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