he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
