I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
