u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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