On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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