I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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