She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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