There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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