we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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