I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He passed out mid-signature
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm both gender and math confused
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
