Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
