dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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