either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
did i walk over a car last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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