Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
