i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
