So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
