after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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