She's JV to your varsity
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
