If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
