I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
