i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
