regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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