In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
