WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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