you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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