i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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