I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
