umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are all done wearing pants today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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