What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
