my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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