there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
