thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
