I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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