whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
