I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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