omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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