How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
